Reading

(no subject)

Dear Care and Feeding,

I’m 19 and in university. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, “Jason.” He’d been acting weird for a few weeks, but when I ended things, he completely flipped out.

It escalated to the point where he slipped into my family’s home, stole our cat, “Flibble,” and tried to hold him for ransom. We did get Flibble back, and Jason is now facing charges. I just want to put this all behind me.

My parents, however, are furious. They keep telling me I should “have better judgment” and promise I’m going to get an earful this Thanksgiving about “choosing appropriate partners.” I get it, this got bad. But Jason wasn’t showing signs of being unhinged when we first started dating, and I did break up with him as soon as he started acting erratically. Still, my parents chew me out every time we talk and have started calling two or three times a week specifically to lecture me.

It’s driving me crazy. I don’t want to block them or cut them out of my life, but I also don’t want to deal with this anymore. What can I do to get them to lay off?

—Stepped In It

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(no subject)

Dear Meghan: I have an 8-year-old daughter. She does not have a mother (my husband and I are both men). She doesn’t particularly like shopping for clothes, but she has a relative who keeps her very well stocked with jumpsuits, dresses and girly outfits of all kinds, which is the type of clothing she typically likes. In general, I let her decide for herself how to mix and match the various clothes she has each morning and will only step in if something is really inappropriate.

My mother, however, feels the need to criticize her clothing choices nearly every time she sees her. “Oh dear, you should never mix prints!” or “Why didn’t you wear a different shirt under that jumpsuit — it really doesn’t match at all!” My mother blames me for what she sees as my inability to teach a girl about girls’ fashion.

I told her that I had indeed talked about some of these rules, but I thought my daughter should also be able to make her own choices about how to dress. She then accused me of being a bad parent and suggested that I would also “give up” if faced with a child who stole or cheated on a test. Is it really so wrong to refuse to have a daily struggle because my daughter went to school with shorts that lightly clashed with her shirt?

— Grandma’s Criticisms

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(no subject)

Dear Meghan: My sons (5 and 6 years old, both mildly autistic) tend to wake up in the morning and as fast as they can dive into my husband’s and my bed for cuddles. They seem to get a lot of sensory satisfaction and a lot of comfort from this ritual. Their preference would be to cuddle with me or both of us for about 15 minutes until they’re all the way awake, then run off and do their own thing. I don’t mind this at all — I enjoy it somewhat, and I find that (as primary caretaker) their days and thus mine go much smoother if they have this cuddle in bed to start the day.

The problem is that my husband says it ruins his day to have his kids in his bed at all.

I have tried to be a physical barrier between him and them — doesn’t work. I’ve tried to not let them in until he’s already up and showering — doesn’t work. I’ve tried to go to their beds and cuddle them there — doesn’t work. I’m out of ideas.

What should I do?

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Inlaws....

1. When I say goodbye to my mother-in-law, she frequently traps me in extended hugs. They often last longer than 15 seconds! During these hugs, she rattles off compliments that are probably well-meaning, but which I take as insults: She’s grateful that I’m a good cook for my husband, for instance, and that I keep our house so clean. My husband and I are both working professionals. We split the housework evenly, and I’m proud of that. My husband says that his mother’s comments are just her way of trying to connect with me. But is there a way to dodge her hugs? That’s when the so-called compliments begin.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

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****

2. Dear Carolyn: We are a very small family — just me, my older sister and my parents. Five years ago, my sister married into a very large family, and her in-laws host all the holidays. We’re always invited, but it’s never any fun for us. There are 20 of them together, talking and laughing, and me and my parents in the corner by ourselves.

I’ve honestly tried to join in, but they’re always talking among themselves about people I don’t know. I ask them about their lives, and they go on and on, but when it’s time for me to talk, I get either cut off or ignored. They try to be nice, but after the third or fourth attempt to answer a question, you can tell they don’t care about the answer.

So I’ve decided I’m not going for Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. On Thanksgiving, some of my friends are meeting up for a hike in the morning, and then there’s a pub crawl later in the evening, and that’s enough holiday for me. I can order a pizza for dinner. For Christmas, I plan to have breakfast with my parents, open gifts and then kick back for the rest of the day while they go off to my sister’s in-laws’ house.

Even though my parents agree about the in-laws, they are telling me to suck it up and go for their sake. They and my sister are really upset with me, saying I’m going to ruin their holidays, hurt my brother-in-law’s feelings and not see my niece. I say there will be so many people around that my brother-in-law and niece won’t miss me, and I’ll see them both on Black Friday and then again on Christmas Eve, so it’s not like I’m missing out entirely.

Am I being selfish like they say? Don’t I have a right to enjoy my holidays, or do I have to suffer in silence?
— Anonymous

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3. Dear Annie: My son got married about eight months ago, and while I truly do love his new wife, I admit I'm scratching my head over a few things. Maybe it's the times changing, or maybe I'm just old-fashioned, but it feels like I got a fourth child instead of a daughter-in-law.

When they come over for dinner, I do what I've always done: make a nice meal, fix everyone a plate and pass the rolls. I'll serve my husband, my boys and even the dog if he looks hungry enough. But my new daughter-in-law? She piles food on her own plate, sits down and tells my son to get it himself. My jaw nearly hit the mashed potatoes. He works all day to provide for her, and the least she could do is hand him a pork chop! Instead, I find myself jumping up to fix his plate while she's scrolling through her phone.

And the laundry, don't even get me started. Because they don't have a washer and dryer, she brings her clothes over, and somehow, I end up doing them. It's like my son got married, and I gained another load of towels.

Should I speak up, or just keep folding her laundry and praying she buys a washing machine? -- Lost For Words in Georgia

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4. Dear Annie: Hoping you can offer some advice! My son has been married for six years to a beautiful girl who rarely speaks to us and acts as though we don't exist. Her distance has gotten much worse over time, and we have no idea why. We love her and are just as kind to her as we are to our other kids and their wives. My husband and I are so sad. This has broken our hearts.

We haven't said anything because we don't want to upset our son, but lately even he appears unhappy with her attitude toward us. When we've referred to her as our daughter -- as we do our other daughter-in-law, who loves the title -- she'll say, "No, thank you. I already have a mom and dad." We've always felt as parents ourselves that you can NEVER have too many people to love your child, so we were quite hurt by that.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. She's so cold and distant toward us that even our friends and family have noticed and commented. We are good people, we stay out of our kids' business and we keep our opinions to ourselves. Our motto is, "If you want our thoughts, you'll have to ask for them." We don't meddle or cause waves ever, yet she continues to find ways to fault us for things. It's completely unsubstantiated, but it persists!

It's to the point I have so much anxiety that I've considered seeking out a therapist. This DIL is so unapproachable, so to avoid conflict, we just sweep EVERYTHING under the rug to avoid causing our sweet son any grief.

Please let us know if you have any advice. Our hearts are broken! -- Boy Momma

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(no subject)

My mother-in-law is always on a diet. Her house also happens to be where the family gathers monthly for meals. Lately, she has been serving lighter fare and no dessert so that she can eat more healthfully. We are fine with the lighter meals, but when we pushed back on dessert, she got upset and said we weren’t being supportive of her. These meals represent a tiny fraction of what she eats in a year, and I am frustrated that I have to compromise on dessert. (It doesn’t help that her diets are usually fads and not based in science.) Advice?

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(no subject)

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend is still in regular contact with his ex-girlfriend. He is her confidant, and she admits she still loves him. He keeps her posted on our relationship, which is rocky because I am jealous of their relationship. I am not allowed to set any boundaries about this.

I want to ask him to stop being her confidant and to stop telling her about our relationship. They can remain friends, just not with such intimate conversations. He absolutely refuses any boundaries because “I am not going to let you pick my friends.”

Should I just exit this situation? For context, he and I are on and off because of this, and he usually dates her again when we are off.

— Jealous

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(no subject)

Dear Annie: I've always had a complicated relationship with my older sister, "Beth." She's the golden child -- successful, pretty, everyone's favorite. I'm more of the quiet one. I've never resented her accomplishments, but I've spent years feeling like I'm living in her shadow.

Recently, something strange happened. I got offered a promotion at work that would put me in a leadership role over a project Beth's company is contracted on. It's a huge opportunity. When I told my parents, they were polite but not enthusiastic. My mom actually said, "Well, let's hope that doesn't make things awkward for Beth."

Beth hasn't said much, just a text that said "Congrats," with a period. Not even an exclamation point.

Part of me wants to let it go and focus on the win. But another part of me feels really, really sad, like I'm still chasing approval I'll never get. I don't want this old family dynamic to steal the joy from something I worked hard for.

How do I celebrate myself without needing my family to do it with me? And is it worth trying to fix something that maybe they don't even think is broken? -- Out of the Shadow

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new glasses

I picked up my new glasses today, and I like them. I am seeing better than with the old glasses, either because it's a slightly different prescription, because the old pair had gotten scratched, or some combination.

A few hours later, the lenses have gotten smudged, so I am going to clean them after posting this.

I stopped on the way home at New City Microcreamery, which now has a branch in Arlington Center, half a block from the optician's. After tasting a few flavors, I bought a pint of dairy cinnamon ice cream for myself, and a pint of vegan peanut butter for

adrian_turtle, at her request.

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Neither Present Nor Accounted For

Sorry, everybody.

It's actually been a really big week for me, being my birthday week, but I seem to have completely forgotten to update you all on any of it. I have about fifteen minutes before I need to head out, so let's see what I can tell you about in that amount of time.

I turned 58 on Tuesday.

I have never been one of those people who hates birthdays or the idea of growing older. I love every single birthday (with the sole exception of the one that I spent driving back from Indiana.) But, generally, I am all about starting to celebrate my birthday as soon as possible and, this year, I started on November 3 (my birthday is the 18th). One of the things that I very expressly asked my wife for was time to game. Normally we fuss a bit because, if I had my way, I'd be running D&D every single weekend that my players was available. So, for November, I've played D&D every single weekend so far--which has been tremendous fun. It's come to a close, however, as the Thanksgiving prep is in full swing.

Shawn always takes my birthday off work. She also almost always takes her own birthday off, too, as did I when I was working. In fact one of the funniest conversations I ever had with a boss was when I was working as a itenerent library page for Ramsey County Library. My boss at the time, Lee Ann, was a fellow Scorpio. She also used to call all the pages to see where and when they'd be available. The 18th was floated for me and I just said, "Sorry, that's my birthday." She seemed stunned. She said, "Well, tomorrow is my birthday and I'm working," and I said, "That sounds sad. You should take your birthday off." Apparently, this is not something that regularly occurs to adults. Lee Ann seemed very stunned and afronted. But, I've long embraced the fact that I'm not a normal adult.

Side story, but part of birthday week for me has been getting to go get fancy coffee in the mornings. I discovered that one of the barista at Claddaugh really, really loves rocks. So, I've started carrying rocks in my pockets again just to show her the ones I've collected. Yesterday, I pulled out the Thomsonsite that I have from our trips to Bearskin and showed it off. Other people were interested so a bunch of adults started oohing and ahhing over cool rocks. And it reminded me of that meme that goes around with the guy who is sad because the worst part of being an adult is that no one ever (shows you a cool rock, is one version, or) asks you your favorite dinosaur. So, we very quickly all started sharing our favorite dinosaurs, as well. Take that, adulthood! You can't diminish my love for cool rocks and dinosaurs! NEVER GO QUIETLY INTO THE LONG DARK! LOVE ROCKS! LOVE DINOSAURS!

The other thing I love to do is go out to eat. I am especially fond of breakfast or brunch out. I love me a good greasy spoon, too. I have had my family take me out to the Egg & I, but this year we went to Day by Day. which is slightly less grease and more hippy/recovery community. I pushed out the boat (and as Shawn has been adding lately, and got into it! Because you don't want to "push out the boat" and then "miss the boat") and had their buscuits and gravy. Not a safe meal for a 58 year old, but look at me, living on the edge! Do I know how to party, or what?

We also went out for dinner, which, in our family, is borders on insanity. Like, we were seriously living it up. Dinner was Taste of India out in Maplewood, a place that I've been going to for my birthday for decades.

The only pall on the day was the fact that I forgot my cell phone at home and so I missed the MONARCA text about the Federal action in Midway. It's probably just as well. Pepper spray got deployed and no one wants to be pepper sprayed for their birthday. (I mean, maybe

sabotabby does?) I did feel bad for missing it as my friends

naomikritzer and

resolute were there doing the good work.

So that's me? How's you?

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fic title alphabet meme update: J

A couple of weeks back I did the fic title alphabet meme and discovered I was missing J, K, X, and Z. Here's J!

Just a Cool Guy (200 words) by pauraque
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Fellowship (2025 video game)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Rime (Fellowship), Elarion (Fellowship), Sylvie (Fellowship)
Additional Tags: Double Drabble, Friendship/Love, in a totally neurotypical way
Summary: But not that kind of cool.

Apparently I thought the optimal way to make my glorious return to AO3 after over a year would be to write a silly, inside-jokey ficlet for a video game that just started early access and as yet has no story, no worldbuilding, no relationships, and no characterization except for a few voice lines and a paragraph of nebulous backstory for each playable character. I appear to be the first person to write anything for this fandom; I can't imagine why? (Too bad I just missed

bethefirst, though I guess I can start planning for

launchtheship.) Anyway, this one goes out to my loyal Fellows

dragonque,

sdk, and

zorealis, aka the only three people who know what the hell I'm talking about. ♥

(no subject)

Dear Carolyn: My stepdad died suddenly of a heart attack two years ago, and my mom let me move in with her. Her place is huge, so she doesn’t want to live there alone. She can’t sell the house because she didn’t really inherit it; she can live there until she dies, then it goes to my stepbrother. My mom doesn’t charge me rent; she said I should save and invest the money instead, so it’ll be there when I do get a place. She doesn’t try to run my life, and I have plenty of room, plus there’s a pool, sauna, tennis court, etc., so it’s a great deal and we both benefit.

This arrangement makes my dad and stepmom crazy. They keep telling me it’s hurting me since I’m not living in the “real world.” And they complain that they can’t visit me at my home. My parents are okay with each other but haven’t been in the same room since my college graduation six years ago. My mom and stepmom don’t get along. But I go over to their house all the time, so it’s not interfering with our relationship.

My dad and stepmom even made my little sister ask why I’m living still with my mom — because no way a 15-year-old is asking that on her own.

I am banking money, I cook for myself a lot of the time and do my own laundry. With work, dating, getting enough exercise and sleep, life is hard enough. Why should I deliberately make it harder on myself just to prove a point? How do I shut them down while staying on good terms?

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Entry tags:

books

wednesday books under a male name

Ariadne in Mantua, Vernon Lee (1903). Readaloud. This play sets itself up as being in the Extended Shakespeare Universe: "The action takes place in the Palace of Mantua through a period of a year, during the reign of Prospero I, of Milan, and shortly before the Venetian expedition to Cyprus under Othello." However it's an odd, sad play, and not one that Shakespeare would have told. One of the laws of the Shakespeare Universe, as I interpret it, is that nobody dies of unrequited love; you can't die of a broken heart unless somebody else dies first to break your heart. (Ophelia is arguably an exception, but still her father dies first.)

Mona Maclean, Medical Student, Graham Travers (a pseudonym for Margaret Todd). I enjoyed this, though the romantic happy ending dragged out a bit. I feel that the title does it a disservice, as it is not a school story; there are a few scenes in the medical school setting, but that's not the main focus of the story. It is however enjoyable as a late Victorian novel with an introspective and intellectual protagonist, feminist themes, and strong female friendships. Also, the love interest recites the poem Stradivarius by George Eliot, which I was glad to be introduced to.

The Life of Sophia Jex-Blake, Margaret Todd (writing under her own name this time, even though Gutenberg uses the name Graham Travers). Sophia Jex-Blake was one of the first women doctors in Great Britain, and founded the medical school that Margaret Todd attended; the two of them became life partners. So far I've only covered Sophia's youth and education; she was a gifted child who chafed at the Victorian education system that wanted to shape her into a well-behaved young lady, but fortunately manages to get onto a path to a real education. The biography has just covered her brief romantic relationship and unhappy breakup with Octavia Hill, who went on to be equally awesome.

The Strength of the Few, James Islington. Sequel to The Will of the Many, and a change of pace from all these old books by and about women. Not as good as the first book, mostly for structural reasons, but still very readable. I'm about 80% in and it's getting to be a bloodbath, but hopefully there will be interesting plots twists in what's left.

Entry tags:

films

I wandered into the living room when my flatmate said “We’re watching The Pied Piper-“

- and it wasn’t the sort of thing I expected at all. A bit like when someone up the hill put on Akira, which I knew as ‘Maybe an anime of some kind?’ and which caused me to go ‘Holy heck what is happening’ within the first ten seconds.

Jiří Barta’s stop-motion Czech pied piper film from the eighties is wild. All the people and the town are grotesque and characterful, angular like robots or suits of armour: in fact they’re carved from wood. The main things that look organic are the rats. The film starts with slow scenes of people going about their business in Hamlin, with the rats gradually rising around them, eating scraps the town’s greedy rich men throw away.

( Interesting spoilery adaptation choices were made. )

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More about Medicare

Following up on my post from Monday:

adrian_turtle talked to a different advisor (also with SHINE, like the person we talked to Monday).

He told her that "CommonHealth" is a Medigap plan, which you can only enroll in if you are under 65 and on Medicare because you're disabled. They don't require you to have less than X amount of money or income, but the premiums are based on a percentage of your income, and for us would be significantly less than a standard Medigap plan. He urged her to apply by printing the form and sending it in with a cover letter saying that this is a CommonHealth application, because otherwise they might treat it as a MassHealth application, which is not what we'd be looking for.

Edited to add: the only part of this information that's relevant for me right now is the "special election period"--because I inherited money this year, while I could enroll in CommonHealth, it wouldn't save money and might cost more than a standard Medigap policy. I have made a calendar entry to check in one year, and in two years, to see if it makes sense then.

Standard Medicare Open Enrollment ends on Dec. 7th, making this seem urgent--especially if we want to trust it to the post office--but I remembered that the letter saying my current Medicare Advantage plan won't be offered next year said I therefore have more time to choose a new plan.

So, I opened a chat window at Medicare.gov, and ran into a weird bit of terminology. Open enrollment ends on Dec. 7th, but I have a "special election period" from Dec. 8 to the end of February. The agent wanted to make clear that if I don't choose a plan by Dec. 31st, I wouldn't have Part D drug coverage or a Medicare Advantage plan.

I then asked if the special election period also applied to Medigap, and they told me that Medigap doesn't have annual open enrollment, if you don't buy it within six months after starting on Medicare the private insurance companies don't have to sell it to you. At that point, I thanked him and said that Massachusetts has different rules, and I think I need to talk to someone from the state.

Surely you invoke the negative energy that's effecting the vibes???

The yoga studio where I teach hasn’t been paying me on time (AAM: 4th one down):

I’ve been teaching yoga for about four years now and was hired for my first job at this small group training facility. I teach once a week and often sub for one of the two other instructors. I previously got paid monthly. I have a full-time job and this is my side gig. So, it’s money I use for things like gifts, or save up for vacations.
Over the last two years, my monthly payment stretched to being paid every two months. This past year, it’s stretched out to being paid every four or five months. I’ve asked the owners several times to leave a check for me for next week. I’ve also asked if there is an easier way for them to pay me, such as Venmo or direct deposit.
I’m at the point now where I’m owed for over 21 classes ($40 per class). Enrollment in the small training groups seems to have dropped as I’m seeing new members less. People do join for the yoga-only package to come to the yoga classes. What’s the best way to ask to be paid and let them know I can’t/shouldn’t have to wait longer than two months for payment? I’m at the point now where I want to say that I won’t teach until I get paid, but that isn’t really my vibe.

Alison responds: ( saying that you won’t teach until you get paid should be your vibe )

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A Thousand Beginnings and Endings, ed. Ellen Oh & Elsie Chapman (2018) [part 3]

This is part three of my book club notes on A Thousand Beginnings and Endings. [Part one, part two.]

Something I learned in this meeting that I did not previously realize is that a number of the authors in the collection are best known for YA. This does explain why it was shelved under YA in the library, which I have to admit I did not see as significant given that I also had to visit the YA section to find Dracula (because their copy is part of a series of "classic canon" repubs marketed to teens). I had noticed that some of the entries certainly are YA, which I don't consider a bad thing in itself, but in this batch of stories we did experience a disconnect between the marketed-to audience and ourselves.

"Nothing Into All" by Renée Ahdieh

( An embittered brother and a doormat sister run across goblins that can turn anything into gold. )

"Spear Carrier" by Naomi Kanakia

[Note: This book was published before Kanakia came out as trans, so it lists this story under her former name Rahul Kanakia.]

( A look at the Mahabharata from the POV of one of the five million soldiers in the climactic battle. )

"Code of Honor" by Melissa de la Cruz

( A Filipina vampire seeks belonging in New York City. )

"Bullet, Butterfly" by Elsie Chapman

( In a war-torn country, a boy disguises himself as a girl to infiltrate a munitions factory. )

(no subject)

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently moved in with me, and ever since then, my cat’s behavior has completely changed. She’s been acting out: scratching furniture, hiding for hours and even refusing to eat sometimes. She used to be calm and affectionate, but now she seems anxious and territorial. My partner is trying to be patient, but I can tell he’s getting frustrated, especially since the cat hisses at him whenever he walks by or tries to sit near me. It’s creating tension between us, and I feel stuck in the middle trying to keep everyone happy. I’ve tried introducing them slowly, giving the cat space and even buying new toys to distract her, but nothing seems to help. My boyfriend thinks I’m overreacting and that the cat will “get over it,” but I know she’s genuinely stressed.

I feel guilty because I was so excited for us to finally live together, and now it feels like we’re both walking on eggshells around my pet. I love them both, but I’m starting to wonder if this living situation is sustainable. How can I help my cat adjust to this big change without it putting more strain on my relationship? -- Standoff

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Current Mood: confused

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Medicare questions/decisions

I just had a phone appointment with someone, funded by the state of Massachusetts, to help decide between basic Medicare plus a Medigap plan, or a Medicare Advantage plan. I have gotten some useful information, but am going to double-check everything, because in at least one case what she told me contradicts what the official Medicare.gov site says. It's a relatively minor point--the existence of a roommate discount for some Medigap plans--but I asked about which plans it applied to, and she said it doesn't exist.

The new and interesting information is that apparently, because I am under 65 and disabled, I'm eligible for a Medicaid plan, without an income limit. It's called CommonHealth, and seems to be part of the state's "Commonwealth Care." If I understand correctly, after Medicare paid 80% of a bill, it would cover the rest, but only at providers that take MassHealth.

If I got basic Medicare (parts A and B), a part D drug plan, and a Medigap plan, I could see any provider that takes Medicare, without worrying about what's in-network. However, a Medigap plan would cost significantly more than this CommonHealth thing.

Or, I could sign up for another Medicare Advantage plan. The advantage there is there are some that would cost no more than the Medicare Part B premium. The disadvantage is being limited to in-network providers unless I'm willing to pay significantly more for that service.

I thought the question was, is it worth $250-$300/month (Medigap + prescription coverage) more to not have to worry about being in-network and prior authorization. It sounds like this CommonHealth plan would cost significantly less per month, but if the provider doesn't take MassHealth, I'd be paying 20%. Which gets back to the larger problem that there's no way to find out what number that will be 20% until after the visit.

If I understood correctly, all these options have copays for some things, and CommonHealth may require prior authorization for some things.

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Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata (2016)

A convenience store is a world of sound. From the tinkle of the door chime to the voices of TV celebrities advertising new products over the in-store cable network, to the calls of the store workers, the beeps of the bar code scanner, the rustle of customers picking up items and placing them in baskets, and the clacking of heels walking around the store. It all blends into the convenience store sound that ceaselessly caresses my eardrums.

Keiko has worked at the same convenience store her entire adult life. Outside the shop she's bewildered by unspoken social rules, but inside it, there's an explicit protocol for everything—how to stand, how to smile, how to say good morning. In this well-defined and orderly world, she is happy and fulfilled. The only problem is that as she ages into her thirties, her family increasingly pressures her to abandon that world and pursue marriage and children instead. But if all they want is for her to have a man in her life, maybe all she has to do is grab the nearest unattached man and fake it for their benefit?

I'm trying to think of the best way to describe this book. It's devastating and hopeful, hilarious and dark as fuck. The summary makes it sound like a fake-dating romp, and it does have elements of that... except the guy Keiko fake-dates is a disturbed misogynist who thinks the world is against him (we'd call him an incel, though I don't know if that maps exactly onto Japanese categories of disaffected men) and when Keiko takes him in she considers that she'll probably have to feed him at least once a day and wonders if it'll be a problem that she's never had a pet before.

Keiko is obviously autistic (though the word isn't used) and she is kind of my hero. Her deadpan literalism lays bare the absurdity of society's expectations, and while her difference makes her vulnerable, she's far from helpless. The depiction of what she goes through is so on point. I was especially struck by the character of her sister, who's the closest thing Keiko has to an ally in her family. She gives Keiko tips on how to explain why she still works at the convenience store in a way that "normal" people will accept—but when it comes down to it, what she really wants is for Keiko to change. This kind of... conditional scaffolding is familiar to me, and was one of many aspects of the book that made me feel like if I didn't laugh I was going to cry.

I have no idea what reading this book would be like if you weren't autistic. For me it felt like having a conversation in my native language after only speaking a foreign language for years and years and years.

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bookses precious

Books read, early November

William Alexander, Sunward. A charming planetary SF piece with very carefully done robots. Loved this, put it on my list to get several people for Christmas.

Ann Wolbert Burgess and Steven Matthew Constantine, Expert Witness: The Weight of Our Testimony When Justice Hangs in the Balance. I picked this up from a library display table, and I was disappointed in it. It isn't actually very much theory of the use of expert witnesses in the American legal system. Mostly it's about Burgess's personal experiences of being an expert witness in famous trials. She sure was involved in a lot of the famous trials of my lifetime! Each of which you can get a very distant recap of! So if that's your thing, go to; I know a lot of people like "true crime" and this seems adjacent.

Steve Burrows, A Siege of Bitterns. I wanted to fall in love with this series of murders featuring a birder detective. Alas, it was way more sexist than its fairly recent publication date could support--nothing jaw-dropping, lots of small things, enough that I won't be continuing to read the series.

Andrea Long Chu, Authority: Essays. Mostly interesting, and wow does she have an authoritative voice without having an authoritarian one, which is sometimes my complaint about books that are mostly literary criticism.

David Downing, Zoo Station. A spy novel set in Berlin (and other places) just before the outbreak of WWII. I liked but didn't love it--it was reasonably rather than brilliantly written/characterized, though the setting details were great--so I will probably read a few more from the library rather than buying more.

Kate Elliott, The Nameless Land. Discussed elsewhere.

Michael Dylan Foster, The Book of Yokai. Analysis of Japanese supernatural creatures in historical context, plus a large illustrated compendium of examples. A reference work rather than one to sit and read at length.

Michael Livingston, Bloody Crowns: A New History of the Hundred Years War. Extensive and quite good; when the maps for a book go back to the 400s and he takes a moment to say that we're not thinking enough of the effects of the Welsh, I will settle in and feel like I'm in good hands. Livingston's general idea is that the conflict in question meaningfully lasted longer than a hundred years, and he makes a quite strong argument on the earlier side and...not quite as strong on the later side, let's say. But still glad to have it around, yay.

Michael T. Osterholm and Mark Olshaker, The Big One: How We Must Prepare for Future Deadly Pandemics. Also a disappointment. If you've been listening to science news in this decade, you'll know most of this stuff. Osterholm and Olshaker are also miss a couple of key points that shocked me and blur their own political priorities with scientific fact in a fairly careless way. I'd give this one a miss.

Valencia Robin, Lost Cities. Poems, gorgeous and poignant and wow am I glad that I found these, thanks to whichever bookseller at Next Chapter wrote that shelf-talker.

Dana Simpson, Galactic Unicorn. These collections of Phoebe & Her Unicorn strips are very much themselves. This is one to the better end of how they are themselves, or maybe I was very much in the mood for it when I read it. Satisfyingly what it is.

Amanda Vaill, Pride and Pleasure: The Schuyler Sisters in an Age of Revolution. If you were hoping for a lot of detail on And Peggy!, your hope is in vain here, the sisters of the title are very clearly Angelica and Eliza only. Vaill does a really good job with their lives and contexts, though, and is one of the historians who manages to convey the importance of Gouverneur Morris clearly without having to make a whole production of it. (I mean, if Hamilton gets a whole production, why not Gouverneur Morris, but no one asked me.)

Amy Wilson, Snowglobe. MG fantasy with complicated friend relationships for grade school plus evil snowglobes. Sure yes absolutely, will keep reading Wilson as I can get her stuff.

Jane Ziegelman and Andrew Coe, A Square Meal: A Culinary History of the Great Depression. This went interestingly into the details of what people were eating and what other people thought they should be eating, in ways that ground a lot of culinary history for the rest of the century to follow. Ziegelman and Coe either are a bit too ready to believe that giving people enough to eat makes them less motivated to work or were not very careful with their phrasing, so take those bits with a grain of salt, but in general if you want to know what people were eating (and with how many grains of salt!) in the US at the time, this is interesting and worth the time.